Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
Writing for five minutes.
A sort of writing flash mob.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Again, it happens.
First, his words.
Then, my inward wince and the inevitable tug on the one loose thread that dangles in my periphery.
I struggle to keep it steady, that thread. I will it to stay connected in all the right places, feeling its pulsing connection with the garment wrapped tightly round my heart. Knowing that one good pull will begin a great unraveling and soon my heart won't be the only thing naked on the floor.
And, again, I choose wrongly.
For some days, no amount of teeth clenching or deep-breath-taking or willing.it.away... can stop the torrent of vitriol that spills from my mouth. And in a blink, the thread lies in a pool and its shapeless form mirrors my heart space.
Again, I have failed him.
Again.
Again.
Again.
And eyes become shimmering pools and faces blur and why can't I err more on the side of grace and less on that of spoil?
And everyone just wants a do over.
Again.
I can feel the tension and adore how you spin your story in words so real and vulnerable. Oh I want do overs every second of every day. I hate that those spills can never be taken back but there's always forgiveness. Beautiful 5 min!
ReplyDeleteI could've written these very words. In fact, I wrote something with the exact same lament last year. Why indeed? Only flesh and failing so evident at times. I am thankful for do overs and second chances and fresh starts. Hugs my friend, for a week that seems to have sucked.
ReplyDeleteHi Holly
ReplyDeleteOh, I know the pain of hurting those closest to us. At times it is to much to bear!
Much love XX
Mia
I'm a lover of do-overs. There's so much grace in this tension, so much to cover our frailty. Praying with you today, sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteHey friend, after a long sabbatical from Lisa Jo's I am back in the FMF community. What a joy to be among this community of writers. Holly, I think I sound like a chanting monk the way I mutter on replay and repeat..."his mercies are new everyday." But where would I be if they weren't. Beautiful write from the heart. I am there with you in spirit and in my heart and in my experiences with parenting. Thanks for being my mouthpiece.
ReplyDeleteRewind, redo, do-over. Constants in my vocabulary, too. Your words here are achingly familiar to my own heart.
ReplyDeleteso so beautiful. love the image you created... and the emotion!
ReplyDeleteVisiting from FMF!
Love, Traci Michele @Ordinary Inspirations http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com
Beautiful. I have been blessed by stopping by today. Click
ReplyDeletehere to check out my 5 Minute Friday
And isn't He so amazing that He allows (indeed, longs for us) to come to Him again and again. He is the God of second chances (and third and fourth...)! So blessed by your transparency here!
ReplyDeleteYou are so not alone. xx
ReplyDeleteHolly, this is my story, too. All of us failing and hurting, but God. I'm so glad you wrote so truthfully. I have been here - in thoughts, words, deeds. Again and again. It hurts, but hallelujah for grace. Bless you, sister. May you feel love wrapped warmly about you this weekend.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDelete