Friday, August 2, 2013

The Weight of Glory

I weigh more, today, than I ever have in my entire life.

The realization of this settled in heavily as I stepped off the scale this morning. On the very days that I delivered my previous two babies I did not weigh as much as I do today.

And I still have two months to go.

There is a part of me that is shaking her head, disbelieving the numbers on the scale, dismissing them as aberrations. Surely there must be some mistake.

Then there are other parts of me that feel of those pounds. My feet. My thighs. My back.

But then the all of me? The entirety of who I am? Heart and mind and soul?
Well, that girl has simply chosen to place this knowledge down deep and ponder.

It has been nearly a decade since I last harbored life within my body. Ten years since I gave myself over to a miracle and watched with wonder as my body stretched and pulled and created joy untold.

And ten years is really just a flash in the pan when you consider the ways of God. The One who has been shaping and molding and weaving great somethings out of nothing is not discomfited by time.

Nor age.

Nor weight.

So I am choosing not to worry about what a scale that measures pounds may say. No. I will choose, instead, to embrace the marvelous mystery my body proclaims every day.

I am partnering with God in creation.
And that is no small thing.

Every day I watch my belly rise and roll, like a mighty ocean whose mysteries are hidden deep and wide, and I laugh at the utter absurdity that I would be chosen for a task so noble.

I feel every hiccup and every flutter of surprise and I am reminded that every little thing in heaven and on Earth is witnessed and that nothing escapes God's grasp.

With every attempt to roll over in bed with grace, with every stair I determinedly climb, and with each heavy plodded step I make I am simply bearing the weight of glory. For this baby making is resplendent work and some days I glow golden.

My every day is a miracle and this heaviness I feel?

It is love.

Photo credit: Aidan Grantham


  1. You are stunning! Breathtakingly glowingly absurdly gorgeous. (I just killed it with the adverbs, but truly!) I remember those rolls as my belly would tilt lopsided and then back as baby would adjust under my skin. It's a crazy sort of miracle, isn't it? And yes, the heaviness of love growing full and ripe! What a blessing! I'm so excited for you and for this beautiful baby.

  2. cheers to the coming child who is already rocking the world in which he lives/swims!

  3. I almost clapped when I read this;

    "...and this heaviness I feel?
    It is love."

    Ahhh. You are STUNNING. Love this season in your life. 2 month sounds like an eternity. I'm ready to meet this babe already!

  4. "I am partnering with God in creation. And that is no small thing."

    So so beautiful ...

  5. Holly...your loving words embraced my heart and carried me back in time some thirty years ago when I too marveled at God's miracle of life and mystery growing inside me....this "weight of glory is love" indeed! Rejoicing with you Holly! You are a beautiful Mom!

  6. Thank you, Kelly. I'm sure we will never forget this feeling of life just below our skin. It won't quit us. Ever.

  7. Oh Teen, you make me laugh! Two months will fly by, I promise! I wish I could have you take pictures of me, even though I think my son did a pretty awesome job.
    Love you!

  8. Raising my glass with you, friend. And this little one? He is most definitely rocking!

  9. Thank you, Alia, and I love the adverbs!!!! And that growing full and ripe? Ah, yes, I welcome it for the crazy miracle that it is.

  10. Seriously beautiful. Your words, our sweet baby belly, this notion of co-creatorship

  11. (If that's not a word, it is now) clearly I'm havin issues leaving a comment ;) it's not you, it's me. So tired. Anyway, I love this. XO

  12. Just beautiful. I love every word :-) xo

  13. Beautiful - in every single way. And that photo? You are radiant, my dear. Tell you son he did a magnificent job. Praying these next two months are rich and filled with wonder.

  14. Beautiful...smiled wide at the photo credit.

  15. Thank you, Mazie! So glad to see you here! Keep me posted on life in your parts, okay?

  16. Sweet Diana,
    Thank you, friend. Gathering up those prayers like a grand bouquet. Thank you!

  17. Thank you, Claire, so very much.

  18. Holly reading your words, munching on them here, slowly placing them on my tongue to taste, they make a 54 year old woman want to be pregnant again. Ah, that faint but beautiful memory of when I last was, over 18 years ago. You soul heart and spirit come through in every single syllable, you and your writing ---glorious. Beautiful one, hugs from far far away for you and baby Grantham.

  19. beautiful thoughts, holly.
    I am also in my midst of my third pregnancy and dealing with the issues of being heavier...and older....than before....I will recall your wonderful approach when I am tempted to reproach myself. Partnering with the Creator in creation. Amen.

  20. Ashley Tolins LarkinAugust 11, 2013 at 5:06 PM

    So excited for you and your family and I am feeling with you the wonder of this baby coming. The partnering with God and the movements inside and the shape shifting and body changing and the emotions and all of is weighty in hard and beautiful ways alike. I am sending much love to you, friend. As always, you write with such exquisite beauty. I'm in awe.

  21. Elizabeth Anne MayAugust 13, 2013 at 4:07 PM

    You look amazing! Beauty on the outside the match the glorious words you birth within.