I suppose it has been a bit obvious, has it not?
The fewer blog posts.
Not as many comments at the end of others' pieces, if they manage to get read at all.
A diminishing Klout score.
Less of a presence.
On line, that is.
But, really, it has just been the beginning of a great unwinding. And as these days melt, one into another, and as I approach the day when life turns upside down, once again, I find my heart and mind being drawn elsewhere.
I am very much at home these days.
Ann Voskamp wrote once about how mother ducks "pick feathers from their chests to line their nests" and now I understand.
++++++++++++++“How else did you think nests were lined?”With leftovers.That’s what I thought.With feathers discarded, the molted, the not-so-necessary feathers.I thought mother ducks picked feathers up from what was laying about, scraps, lining nests with what simply could be mustered after the fact.But no. No, a mother duck plucks each feather out from the heart of her bosom.She lines the nest with bits of herself — the best of herself.A mother cups her brood not with leftovers — but with her own sacrifice.
As I have begun preparing for a new baby to enter into my, and my family's, life I am having to let go of some things that I have been holding close.
I need to begin the sacrifice of my online presence.
Saying that out loud is like sounding the death knell to a modern writer. Stop blogging? No more tweets? No more platform building?
But at the end of that line of questioning and after a small but monumental silence, I stand resolute.
When I wash clothes and then hang them on the line to dry, it is a process that takes time. Each piece must be snapped free of wrinkles, clipped on with clothespins and arranged just so. When the task is completed it makes for an impressive sight, colors flapping in the wind, displayed for all to see. Work has been done and now the sun works her magic.
But if I don't hang my clothes on the line and, instead, choose to place them in the dryer, inside of my house, the work is still being done.
It just isn't seen by the whole neighborhood.
That is how things are needing to shift around these parts.
I am slowly bringing the work inside.
My sweet baby has been leading the way already. With each passing day he has been growing and stretching into the space within which he finds himself. And he has been doing it most beautifully.
But soon, his space will spill over into our space and we want to be ready.
So we are moving things from here to there. We are relieving ourselves of things no longer needed. We are welcoming, with open arms, the generosity of family and friends.
We are making room.
This slow unwinding has made me aware in ways that I haven't been, for quite some time...
Aware of the way the sun light moves across the floor and walls of my living room, highlighting corners and gilding rough edges and generally making all things beautiful.
Aware of the ticking that comes from the small desk clock upon the shelf, reminding me of every.single.moment.
Aware of how conversations, connected throughout a day, can build bridges of thought and understanding and revelation to everyone involved.
Aware of the power of touch and eye contact and how melting into both provides a balm for heart space that you didn't even realize was rough and hardened.
And, most importantly, aware that every day is full of gifts to unwrap and in order to fully receive that multitude, one must not be looking askance.
So, friends, I am beginning the great unwinding. I am letting the yarn unravel as it will. It will probably look quite untidy for a bit. Perhaps there will be tangles. But, together, my family and I are letting the colored strands fall into our open hands and, together, we will knit together new garments.
I believe I already like the fit of them.
Photo credit: Ben Hosking via Flickr