Monday, December 10, 2012

My Broken Hallelujah

He burst forth this side of heaven with a flourish, arriving earlier than expected.
It was there, in the hushed predawn light, before even the birds could herald the coming of the day, where I pulled him to my chest and breathed deep his nativity. For the holiness of that moment hung heavy and I lay still under the weight of it all.
In the months that followed I cradled my son continuously, in every crook and curve of my body. A skin to skin, breast to mouth, finger to toe rhythm emerged and soon we were connecting in thousands of ways, over and over. This sacred dance had no fixed steps. It was simply that Love led and we, the beloved, followed.
Both of us continued to grow in knowing and being known.
We leaned into the hard places, into the fevers and the pain.
And, together, we rose on zephyr winds, celebrating new exploits and the joy of new milestones.
My son was incredibly affectionate, with me. He would nestle down quietly into the folds of my body and he would fling his chubby arms around my neck, pulling me deeper into his heart space. I was enraptured with this little soul that longed for connection. He was mine and I was his.
We were growing into our God-stained selves and it was good.

We were together, always.
We spent hour upon hour curled up on couches, befriending the likes of Huckle and Lowly and Wilbur and Charlotte. We perched near our large picture window at every meal and, just as if he were learning his ABC’s, my son learned the name of every bird that visited our feeder.
Because we shared our home with other families, we almost always had one or two other children laced in and out of our every hour. My son learned the difficult realities of sharing and compromise early and he practiced them long.
I’m not exactly sure at what point I began to notice that things were changing.
To read more of this post, please join me here at SheLoves Magazine today as they partner with Prodigal Magazine in hosting a "Broken Hallelujah" link-up. Through stories of hardship and redemption we hope to open wide the gates of brokenness. Will you consider joining us by sharing your story?


  1. Holly, couldn't figure out how to comment on the SheLoves page so I just HAD to find a way to tell you how beautiful this post is. Oh my goodness! I absolutely loved how you slowly communicated the breadth of your relationship in the beginning all the way's just stunning the way you wrote it and your love is obvious and pouring over onto the page. thank you so much for sharing it!

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading. This was a difficult piece to write, as you can imagine, but the words of love and encouragement that I have received has been overwhelming. Thank you for taking the time to share here. I'm so glad that you came.