Thursday, January 3, 2013


It is early and my mind is still warm and swirly from those vivid morning dreams I have just before waking. The kind of dreams that are a patchwork of thoughts that have been nestled in the secret brain folds for days...weeks. This morning, there were jail cells and old students turned fitness gurus and really good cafeteria food and stolen kisses. 

And then suddenly, there was my alarm beeping and, very uncharacteristically, there was me fumbling for the snooze button so I could go back, just for a moment, and try to make sense of it all. 

But that never works. 

The fog between conscious and unconscious was too thick and divisive and the hands I wanted to hold and the faces I wanted to gaze upon once more were hidden behind a veil.

So, I'm left to the task of conjuring up meaning out of my predawn reverie. And it is futile.

I remember the dreams that I had when I was pregnant with my first born. Outrageous and fantastical were they. As I plodded through my pregnancy in my hazy nighttime brain, I slowly revisited all of my old boyfriends. It was as if I was on a mission to right all wrongs and close all doors and move forward with new resolve, prepped and ready for motherhood. It was weird and comforting and empowering all at once.

I haven't dreamed like that before or since.

Instead, I wake with disparate ideas that are impossible to interpret.

Perhaps it is not much different for me on this side of sleep...this interpreting of dreams. 

I've never been much of a real world dreamer. Although I am imaginative and poetical in the realm of the sun, I'm not one for casting visions on the future. I don't paint big pictures. I kind of

That is why I am going to 
Jumping Tandem: The Retreat  in April, otherwise known as "your big, amazing, ridiculous dream."

Ridiculous is right. As in, I don't have one. A dream, that is. 

Clicking the button to reserve my spot at the retreat was one of the stupidest bravest things that I have ever done. How audacious of me. Who am I to think that I can waltz into that beautiful retreat center that promises me amazing speakers, gorgeous accommodations, delicious food and CHOCOLATE and have a legitimate reason for being there? 

Big. Amazing. Ridiculous.

But I'm going anyway.

I'm going to be with amazing, ridiculous women in the hopes that all their goodness and grace and grit will rub off on me. 

I want a dream for the here and now that doesn't leave me grasping at mirages or old haunts.

I want a dream that will move mountains.

I want a dream that might just change the world.

So I'm wiping the sand from my eyes and rinsing out the bad taste in my mouth and I'm turning my face to the scarlet orange sun hanging low in the sky.

Join me?

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”
-Edgar Allan Poe 

Photo credit: ~Brenda-Star~


  1. This is exactly why i have procrastinated so long in clicking the button, too.
    Thanks for making me feel like going, anyway. Maybe some of all that awesomeness will rub off on me, too. :)

  2. You are dreamy. You know that, right? I can hardly wait to meet you in real life! We shall dream together — all of us. Those with no dreams. Those with old dreams. Those with small dreams. Those who think dreaming is for other people. Just being together will be a dream come true and I am looking forward to sharing it all with you!

  3. I can't wait to see you there! So looking forward to meeting you.

  4. And some of your awesomeness will rub off on us... ;)

  5. You and your words are beautiful. I am so excited for you and filled with hope at the thought of your dreams bursting forth. I just wish I were going to be at the retreat. Pooey....I will have to hear all about it from your written word. Or spoken...maybe you can send a vlog out about your time there.
    Dreaming with you, elizabeth

  6. How I wish I could meet you day one day. So happy for all of you all to gather and meet. How wonderful!!! Really.

  7. Holly, how I would love to join you and so many other beautiful women I have just "met" in the past few months, since I dove into this strange, new, and wonderful blogging world. As for not having a dream, well, I'm sure a few of us here, fed by your poetic words, could conjure up a few for you! You know that dream, words bound up and delivered in a lovely little bundle of ink and paper. Yes, that one!

  8. Some day, sweet Elizabeth. Some day.

  9. Lovely, Holly. And why not track a few of those nighttime/early morning images in a dream journal. I know a little bit about dreams and would love to walk with you through a couple once in a while. I truly believe God moves and works in our subconscious and that dreams can reveal important things to us about ourselves. And as for having a BHAD (is that the right acronym for big, hairy, audacious dream??) -- I do not think that is required at all. You might be surprised what comes bubbling up when you sit down in a quiet space for an hour or two -- lovely aspirations/ideas/goals/yes - dreams. SO looking forward to being with you in April.

  10. Holly, have you considered creating a dream board? It's on my list this year. We should chat about this. :-)


    P.s. No, I'm not anonymous but can't submit a comment with any of the other options. :-0